Medicine in the Mess
Content Warning: I share some experiences as I’ve been overcoming a health challenge that may be triggering. Please do not read below if you feel you do not have the capacity or may be triggered.
It’s been almost 2.5 years since I’ve showed up here. That’s partially because I am not sure I knew how to write from the depths of my being and then share that writing. But mainly, it’s because I have spent the last 2.5 years having my world flipped upside down.
And it needed to be.
I think you can all quite imagine what getting your world flipped upside down feels like now that we are past a year into the pandemic.
When our worst fears come true, we either have the choice to curl up into the fetal position and never leave our beds or we have the choice to say, “I see you fear. I am going to keep feeling you and releasing you and I am going to do my absolute best each day to show up for myself.” I did my fair share of curling up into the fetal position and cocooning that’s for sure!
Since receiving a life changing diagnosis, I have been practicing feeling my emotions fully and releasing them fully every single day. Which definitely beats kinda feeling my feelings and then allowing them to stew.
I almost see feelings like groceries on the conveyer belt at checkout. They are just rolling through for all to see and being acknowledged before being sent out and released. And it truly is a practice E-V-E-R-Y S-I-N-G-L-E day.
These past years and this process has carried with it an immense amount of medicine. It has helped me in ways that my conscious mind can barely explain.
It has changed me or maybe it’s that I have chosen to do the work and change. And I really am a different person now.
I don’t think I will ever be able to distill the medicine down into a few truths nor fully grasp how I have changed in this process.
What I can share are a few ways that I see life and myself a bit differently now in the hopes that you may better understand me and perhaps receive a bit of medicine too.
>I have found that slowing down, sitting in the stillness and going inward has allowed me to heal in ways that I didn’t realize I needed nor knew were possible. While the stillness and unknown can feel hard at times, they can also be our dearest friends too.
>I have a depth, courage and resilience that I never knew. I am now embodied and grounded. And I write this with a deep knowing and understanding of the weight of these words.
>I treat my body like the home that she is now. I thank her daily for all that she does. And I speak to her so sweetly, lovingly and kindly. You may find it surprising but I truly shifted in my relationship with myself recently. That inner voice wasn’t so nice. She was strict, always pushing and often told me that I wasn’t good enough.
>I am who I am and I love her. I no longer bend to fit into imagined and/or very real expectations from society/family/culture/myself. I bend while practicing the five Tibetan rites and maybe some yoga and that’s about it when it comes to bending.
>I am open to the magic and mystery of life.
>Feeling supported and living in true community are some of the greatest gifts I have experienced in this life. Being a part of a loving and consistent community of friends and family in-person or at a distance is everything.
>I understand that it is safe to receive. It is safe and healthy to receive support, meals, visits, messages, gifts, letters, financial support, and the list goes on and on. I did not know how to receive before finding out I was very sick. How many of us keep giving and giving and giving without practicing receiving? How many of us do this with resentment? Nope! No more of that over here. I practice keeping the giving and receiving channels open and flowing.
>I trust in God/the Universe/Source Energy and know that all is well and I am taken care of regardless of outcomes. This is simply a belief that I hold now. Yes, it is challenged at times but mostly it is practiced and held with love.
>I have an understanding of the soul’s journey and the unseen that I wouldn’t have without going through this experience. I understand that we are surrounded by our teams of light on the other side and that they are always there for us, supporting us and ready to send signs as we ask and are open.
>I better understand my soul’s journey now and the work I am here to do. I know I am here to have fun and to help others heal which can have moments of nourishing fun too. I see sessions that involve deep laughter and deep release. Healing doesn’t have to be serious or hard. It can feel easy, nurturing and light.
I share all this with you today as a way to not only share with you who I am, but also invite you to check in with who you are and how you are doing.
These times can be truly heavy and trying. And there needs to space for that. For all that we are all moving through on individual and collective levels.
My wish for us all is that we grant ourselves that time and space and that we do the work so we may be our most joyful and embodied selves while we are here on this Earth plane.
I used to sign off with keep well. I think the more appropriate sign off for me these days is…
Keep in the SUNSHINE,
S
JOURNAL PROMPTS
Writing daily is how I have gotten to know myself in deeper ways. It brings with it so much insight that often times after writing, I feel like I’ve just received a healing session. As such, as journal prompts come through to share here, I will include them below. Take them, leave them and/or create your own, you wildly creative being you.
>How are you feeling right now in this moment?
>How is your body feeling? What is/are he/she/they communicating to you? What is your body asking of you?
>How may you soften just a little bit and listen?
RESOURCES
Here are a few books that I am currently reading and/or keep by my bed side. May they be a resource of support.
“Signs” by Laura Lynne Jackson
Laura Lynne has helped me normalize my experiences with the other side. She has helped me to feel seen and understood. She has also reminded me that we all have the ability to connect with our team of light on the other side. If you would like to better understand the language of signs, how to communicate with your loved ones on the other side or simply would like to feel seen and understood then this read is for you.
“Breath” by James Nestor
I started my practice with breath work about 3.5 years ago because of my dear friend, Amy Kuretsky. Since then, I have taken David Elliot’s levels 1-3 training and practiced breath work off and on almost daily. Reading this book is reminding me that there are lifetimes of knowledge around the breath that I may never fully learn and how healing is so very possible when we learn how to breathe and exhale correctly. I cannot recommend this book enough and am truly enjoying the level of research Nestor has done and shares here.
“Outrageous Openness” by Tosha Silver
Tosha has helped me say yes! to life and live with my own outrageous openness. Her stories are the gentle reminder of how magical life really can be. This is a read that I reread regularly to help undo all the stories we have been told about ourselves and this life. If you are feeling like you could use a little magic in your world then let Tosha’s joie de vivre paint your realm with all the colors.
